Charge of the Vet Student

Half an IP, half an IP

Half an IP remains

All day in the auditorium

Sat the twenty and hundred

“Read up on small animal med

Tomorrow, an exam,” he said

Deep in the arms of despair

Sat the twenty and hundred.

 

“Memorize this chart!”

Was there a fainting heart?

Something all the students know –

Education had blundered

Theirs not to learn with grace

Theirs not to save face

Theirs but to learn, and purge

Deep in the arms of despair

Sat the twenty and hundred

 

Histologic slide to the right of them

Equine cadaver to the left of them

Finals to the front of them

Studied and stuttered

Storm’d at with quiz and exam

Quick they study, and cram

In the arms of despair,

Into the jaws of failure

Cried the twenty and hundred

 

Bereft – all their knowledge laid bare

Bereft – all with a thousand-yard stare

Passed their exams by a hair

Drowned themselves in studies while

The rest of the world muttered

Stumbled through another finals week

Broke through one more IP bleak

Anatomy and physiology

Passed by lucky stroke

Shattered and tired,

They came back – but not

Not the twenty and hundred

 

Radiograph to the right of them

Suture models to the left of them

Finals to the front of them

Studied and stuttered

Stormed at with quiz and test

While students passed or left

They who had come so far

Remained in the arms of despair

Back from the mouth of failure

All that remains –

Remains of twenty and hundred

 

When will they be doctors made?

O the sacrifices, the debts to be paid!

While all the world mutters –

Could’a been a real doctor

But the truth – better to be a dog-tor

Is known by the twelve and hundred

 

Parody of Charge of the Light Brigade by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

 

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